On friendship, grief, bad influences, good women and the people who turn up when life gets ugly.
‘We know where the bodies are’ my old boss said last week as we relaxed in Menorca, laughing about the years we’ve shared.
She was joking.
Mostly.
She is right however.
She may have been my manager when I was a 21-year-old radio sales representative, but somewhere along the way, she became so much more than that.
She became one of my people.
My people don’t just know my history. They have lived it alongside me.
Last year, when my 54-year-old brother was dying from bowel cancer, she scooped me up, put me in her car and drove me to one of our friend’s homes.
No grand gesture. No fuss.
Just: I’m here for you.
She was there when my mother suddenly died in 2016.
She was there when our mutual friend died two years ago.
She was at my wedding, causing chaos.
We’ve celebrated big birthdays together. We’ve shared holidays, cards, crosswords, glasses of wine, ridiculous and very serious, conversations.
We’ve laughed a lot.
We’ve cried hard.
We’ve shared the big stuff and the tiny stuff that somehow becomes big because you’ve shared it with people you love.
She was, she is and she will always be there.
That, I think, is what friendship really means: people who don’t disappear when life gets difficult.
Apparently, our friends might actually be keeping us alive
I’ve always known that good friends make life better.
I hadn’t quite appreciated how much the research suggests they may matter to our health, too.
One of the most frequently cited pieces of evidence is a large meta-analysis covering 148 studies and more than 300,000 people. Researchers found that people with stronger social relationships had a substantially greater likelihood of survival than those with weaker social relationships.
The headline figure is striking: an approximately 50% greater likelihood of survival among people with stronger social relationships.
This isn’t simply about having a huge address book:
The strongest associations were found with more complex measures of social integration ie the extent to which people are genuinely connected to others and embedded in relationships and communities.
Deep connections.
That’s an important distinction.
It’s not necessarily more friends = healthier.
It seems to be much more about meaningful connection.
The people you can call.
The people who know.
The people who turn up.
The people who would get in their car in a heartbeat when your brother is dying and you aren’t capable of arranging transport from an airport to the hospital.
It’s quality, not quantity
More recent research has also pointed towards the importance of relationships that are mutual and meaningful, alongside everyday positive interactions with other people.
In other words, it’s not only the dramatic moments that matter.
It’s the ordinary ones, too.
The text message.
The coffee.
The laugh.
The crossword.
The “Are you OK?”
The shared joke that makes absolutely no sense to anyone else.
The person who remembers what you told them three months ago.
Those little deposits of connection may add up.
For more than eight decades, researchers have followed people’s lives, health and wellbeing. One of the clearest messages to emerge is that people who are more socially connected to family, friends and their communities tend to be happier, healthier and longer-lived than those who are less connected.
The quality of those relationships matters enormously.
Perhaps friendship isn’t an optional extra to a healthy life. Perhaps, in its own quiet way, it’s part of the infrastructure.
Except… my friends might also be not so good for me
There is, however, one rather obvious problem with my theory.
I absolutely adore these women.
But gosh, they’re a nightmare for my physical health.
Not that anyone is holding a gun to my head.
But their idea of a holiday is generally:
Pool.
Drinks.
Food.
Laughing.
Repeat.
They don’t particularly love sightseeing.
They don’t leap out of bed at 630am for an invigorating walk.
Exercise classes?
No thank you.
Clean eating?
Let’s not be ridiculous.
And yet these are the same women who have supported me through some of the hardest years of my life.
Which makes friendship rather more complicated than the surface version of it.
Because sometimes the people who are brilliant for your emotional health aren’t necessarily brilliant for your step count.
Friends for the good and bad
I remember our 2018 holiday particularly well.
It was my first holiday after breast cancer treatment.
I’d finished half of my chemotherapy and radiotherapy protocols, and there were plenty of things I couldn’t, or shouldn’t, do.
Sun exposure was a no.
Alcohol was a no.
Sugar and processed food were very much off the menu.
Exercise, however, was encouraged.
So I remember saying something along the lines of:
“I’d love to come with you all, but there’ll be no drinking, clean eating and lots of exercising for me.”
And they respected it.
They didn’t make me feel difficult.
Or selfish.
They didn’t tell me to “just have one.”
They didn’t exclude me because I was doing things differently.
They simply included me.
That mattered.
Because friendship isn’t about everyone doing exactly the same thing.
It’s about making room for each other.
The best friends aren’t necessarily the people who live exactly as you do. They’re the people who make space for you to live as you need to.
Friendship is a two-way street
And here’s where the science gets interesting.
We should be careful not to turn “friendship is good for you” into a simplistic medical prescription.
The evidence is strong that social connection is associated with better health and longevity.
But association isn’t the same as causation.
And the relationship may work in both directions.
One review found that stronger friendships can have positive effects across a range of health and wellbeing outcomes, but also noted that friendships can sometimes be associated with negative outcomes.
Another large longitudinal study of more than 23,000 middle-aged and older adults looked at friendship number, contact, quality, health, depression and cognition over 16 years.
And here’s the bit I find particularly interesting:
The evidence suggested that health could predict subsequent friendship outcomes as much as, or more than, friendship predicted health.
In other words, healthier people may find it easier to maintain friendships.
So perhaps the arrow doesn’t simply point:
Friendship → Health
Perhaps it looks more like:
Friendship ↔ Health
Each can influence the other.
And none of this means that having wonderful friends guarantees you’ll live to 100.
Cancer doesn’t care how many people love you.
Grief doesn’t either.
And friendship can’t prevent every awful thing life throws at us.
But it can change how we experience those things.
We don’t have to be the same
That’s what I love about this particular group of women.
What unites us outweighs what divides us.
We’re not all early risers.
We’re not all healthy eaters.
We don’t all have the same interests, habits or personalities.
But we love one another.
We play cards.
We do crosswords. (And they let me have THE PEN).
We laugh until our stomachs hurt.
We sit by pools.
We drink wine – and water.
We talk about people who aren’t there.
We talk about people who are.
And when something truly terrible happens, we turn up.
Maybe that’s the important bit.
Not whether your friends are perfect.
Not whether they make you exercise.
Not whether you share every political opinion, dietary preference, hobby or life choice.
But whether, when it hits the fan, they’re there.
“We know where the bodies are.”
There is something rather wonderful about having people who know your history.
People who remember the person you were at 21.
People who know about the bad decisions, the good decisions and all the decisions you can’t quite remember making.
People who knew your mother.
Who knew your brother.
Who were there at your wedding.
Who remember the friend you’ve ALL lost.
People who have witnessed your triumphs and your disasters.
People who know where the bodies are.
And who, despite knowing all of that, still love you.
Maybe that’s one of the greatest gifts we can give each other: to know someone completely and choose, again and again, to stay.
Choose your people. And cherish them.
I found an old memory as I was photo hunting for this article:
It was from our blog in June 2022.
We were all together.
Laughing.
Living.
None of us knew then that, just two years later, one of us would be gone.
That’s the thing about life.
We don’t know.
We don’t know which holiday will be the last one with someone.
We don’t know which photograph will become precious.
We don’t know which ordinary Tuesday we’ll look back on and wish we could have again.
So perhaps the lesson isn’t simply choose your friends wisely.
It’s cherish them daily.
Send the message.
Make the plans.
Take the holiday.
Play the cards.
Do the crossword.
Have the coffee.
Get in the car.
Turn up.
Because one day, sooner than any of us would like, someone will be missing from the photograph.
And the people left behind will know exactly where the bodies are.
And exactly how much they were loved.
‘Til next time, Denise
Discover more from Double-zero
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
The Menorca anecdote perfectly captures how a former manager can become a lifelong friend and keeper of shared stories. “We know where the bodies are” is a wonderfully dark way to describe that kind of enduring bond.
A reference board works best when it includes both examples to pursue and examples to avoid. AI tattoo inspiration can help organize themes, contrast levels, and line styles into a more specific direction before meeting an artist. It is also worth noting which features matter most, since a small tattoo may need simplification to stay readable. That preparation makes feedback more concrete without treating a generated concept as final artwork.
Small typographic marks often create unnecessary friction when people are formatting notes, menus, equations, or social posts. A focused reference that separates visual variants by purpose is more useful than a long unlabelled character list. Dot Symbol can help users distinguish decorative circles from punctuation and mathematical marks, while keeping commonly needed characters easy to copy into the application where they are writing.
A useful math notation reference should help readers choose, not merely copy, a character. For example, ≈, ≅, and ≃ can look interchangeable at a glance, yet they carry different conventions across mathematics, science, and technical writing. Including the Unicode identity alongside browser-safe code and LaTeX syntax gives students, editors, and developers a clearer path from a visual symbol to a consistent final result.
A useful symbol collection should make selection feel intentional rather than overwhelming: clear groupings by mood or use case, readable previews, and combinations that still display reliably across common platforms. Aesthetic Symbols is especially relevant for people refining bios, usernames, captions, and social posts, where a small visual detail can improve recognition without making text harder to read. The strongest collections also help users distinguish between decorative choices and symbols that may render differently depending on device or font.
Wow, that was a beautiful but hard read but absolutely worth my time. I’ve just missed a 4 day break with 2 of the most amazing women, because diaries clashed but I WILL make sure to rebook in as soon as possible, for my health and sanity and just because I love them as much as they love me #girlfriends
Text review is easier when the measurements support the actual editing decision rather than interrupt it. A draft may meet its word target yet still feel dense because sentences run long or the same terms recur too often. Contador de Palabras brings counting, readability cues, phrase analysis, and keyword frequency into the editing moment. That makes it possible to revise for clarity and pacing while retaining control of length, which is useful for articles, headings, descriptions, and other Spanish-language copy.
A complete themed activity packet is easier to use when planning details are built into it, not left for the adult to reconstruct. Guided reading gives the topic a foundation, while cut-and-place activities create a tangible record of the main ideas. Folder templates and assembly directions are especially helpful for keeping the final project orderly. Good lapbook ideas therefore balance subject content with practical instructions for turning that content into a finished learning tool.